"Are you growing?"

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I coach a lot of couples about how to avoid divorce court and stay married forever. Each relationship is unique with its own set of challenges, but there are many common denominators that couples find challenging.

Recently I was coaching a couple about the importance of doing the little but necessary things to keep their marriage vital and growing. We brainstormed a list of activities they could do—what she wanted for him to do and what he wanted for her to do.

When we finished the list, prioritized it, and decided where to start, we all signed off on it. Then the wife said, “Dr. Joey, it seems to me that marriage is like having a plant. You have to water it, fertilize it, and talk to it for it to grow.”

I thought that was a beautiful way to listen to life about marriage, finding a simple yet profound way of understanding life. And “water it, fertilize it, and talk to it for it to grow” is a great way not just to grow a marriage, but any relationship—with your parent, your child, your neighbor, your coworker, and even your God. So listen to life and grow a life, not just a living
today.

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"How long is a minute?"

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I’m not exactly sure how long a minute is anymore. Sometimes a minute seems longer than at other times. For instance, I’m driving to an appointment and I’m running a little late. The traffic light I’m approaching turns yellow, then red. I have to stop. A minute seems like a long time.

Or, I’m traveling and simply must stop to go to the bathroom. When I arrive at a convenient mart and run in and the restroom door is locked, a minute seems like a very long time.

But when my wife and I are enjoying a romantic meal, just the two of us, at our favorite restaurant, and we’re laughing and happy and the food is great, a minute seems like a short time.

Or, when our daughters sit next to me and tell me about their day and their friends and we’re laughing and enjoying being a family, a minute seems like a very short time.

So how long is a minute? As you listen to life today, enjoy all the minutes God gives you, the long ones and the short ones.

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"Do you sing along with the radio in your car?"

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It starts early in your life. You go to school and it’s time for music. Your music teacher says, “Today class, we’re going to sing.” She plays something you know like “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” or “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.” And you think, “Oh boy, I know this one!” So you sing at the top of your lungs, because you know this one and are sure to get an A in music.

But the teacher says, “Sweetheart, don’t sing so loud.” She plays it again and this time you sing softer, but you know the song and love it and you want an A so you sing from your heart.

Then the teacher says, “Honey, move to the back row.”

“But nobody can hear me from back there,” you say.

And she says, “I know.” So you hang your head and move to the back row. And now you don’t even sing with the radio when you’re alone in your car.

Today, please sing. Sing loudly regardless of what your teacher said. You see most of us go to our grave with our life’s music trapped inside.

Sing as if your life depended on it today as you listen to life and make a life, and not just a living.

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"What do you do when you get lost?"

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My wife called recently to tell me that she was sorry, but that she’d be late. I was leaving to speak to a group and would be gone overnight. She had planned to see me off.

I asked if everything was okay. She said, “Yes, but I took a wrong turn and it’s thrown me off schedule. I knew better than to go this way. I don’t know what I was thinking about.”

I laughed and said, “I did the same thing the other day. I knew where I needed to go and for some reason went a longer way around. At first, I got frustrated with myself, and a little angry with myself. But then I decided to just go ahead and enjoy the scenery because I don’t travel that way often. And it would take the same amount of time whether I was angry or relaxed.”

“So it’s not just me then,” she said.

I told her, “Of course not. I’ll wait for you.”

You know, the only people not taking wrong turns are those who’ve quit traveling. Keep traveling and enjoy the scenery when you’re lost today as you listen to life and make a life, not just a living.

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"Are you a prisoner?"

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My wife boards horses for people who enjoy coming out and riding. Recently she received some new horses to board that came from South Dakota.

The farm where they stayed before coming to us was set up differently. The horses were in much smaller areas.
One of the horses is especially large and really didn’t enjoy the small space he was in previously. The interesting thing to me has been to watch him gently begin to explore our larger pasture. At first, he stood basically in one spot all day. In his mind, he was still enclosed in a very small space even though he has all of the pasture to enjoy. So he didn’t move. Only gradually did his mental picture of where he could spend the day expand to include all the pasture. He was still a prisoner in his mind.

What mental prison do you choose to stay in? Are you trapping yourself in a small area of life when you could enjoy much more room and freedom? Today, ask God to set you free from your mental prison so you can listen to life and make a life, not just a living.

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